How to stimulate the economy

While Nancy Pelosi and the House Democrats attempt to give the middle class a chance to recover from the overwhelming disaster that has befallen them in the last few weeks, the GOP has its own suggestion: make the already ludicrously rich even richer. Here are their ideas:

1. Removing legal barriers to speed up new offshore oil drilling. A law banning offshore drilling expired October 1, but Republican lawmakers say lawsuits could block new offshore rigs and want judges to quickly rule on the cases.

This will deliver untold billions to those same energy companies that are already making tens of billions a quarter while having absolutely no impact on American families for years to come, if ever. Why not allow the oil companies to spend as much as they want on windmills, tidemills and geo-thermal power and deduct the lot from their taxes instead? Of course, the trouble with those forms of energy is that once you've built them, they're self-sufficient. You can't go on selling the same old crap over and over again.

2. Lowering taxes on income that U.S. corporations earn from their overseas subsidiaries.

...making it even easier to offshore jobs and put more and more Americans out of work.

3. Eliminating capital gains taxes on the sale of homes up to $500,000 for a couple.

And that will help most Americans how exactly? THERE IS NO CAPITAL GAINS TAX if you move from one house to another. This ONLY helps those with second, third, forth and, yes, eleventh homes. Can anyone say "John McCain?"

4. Suspending capital gains taxes on securities purchased during the next two years.

Considering that most middle-class Americans don't trade in securities directly to speak of, this is another one that only affects the "investor class" - the ones with all those Bush tax dollars that they can now drop into the thoroughly deflated market and ride back up. Let's see, what can I do with that $700 thousand I just got in the McCain tax cut?

5. Extending government deposit insurance to business transaction accounts.

Bear in mind that small businesses are already covered. We're talking here about LARGE businesses like, oh, Enron, Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns and the like. That's really going to help the little guy pay his mortgage, isn't it.

6. Directing the government to guarantee inter-bank loans.

Then all the banks can just lend themselves out of debt. "Hey, you lend me a couple billion, I'll lose it (nudge, nudge), and then you can just claim it back from the government."

OK, all you people who think preventing gay marriage is more important than providing your family with a roof over their head and the odd square meal, go for it! After all, trickle-down economics has worked so well so far, why stop now?